Day 11

I really can't think of anything to say today because I'm not in the best head space.  This past week has not been all "peachy keen" like it should be when DF1 is home, quite the opposite in fact!  I have been feeling overwhelming jealousy, anxiety and "wo-is-me" syndrome and quite frankly, I hate it!  As someone said to me the other day "Get off the cross, we need the wood"!

Communication is at an all time low, and the kids, especially over sensitive BC1 is picking up on the tension I am feeling, I swear I think he has a mental connection to me and he acts out how I'm feeling on a regular basis (kinda freaky).

To be brutally honest, I don't really feel up to writing tonight and I am going to take Day 12 and 13 off because we will be away so I will be back (hopefully in a much better head space) on Day 14 on the eve of departure for DF1 and maybe have some lovely stories to tell you of the weekend away.

I am really feeling my "humanness" tonight and not my normal "I am a super mom and I can do anything" feeling.  I am yet a mere mortal mom who feels flat and icky and grumpy and no one but me can snap myself out of it!  If I didn't know better, I would say I am flirting with anxiety or possibly even the onset of depression but that can't happen because, I have to be strong and "happy" and all together for the sake of my kids when DF1 is away.  I am not going to go into panic mode yet but rather a visit to my doctor to chat about this and make sure I am fully prepared and aware of the signs should they become apparent, that I'm not coping!

On a lighter note, I know this too shall pass (just like a bad curry I suppose) and I just have to grin and bear it (mental image not working for me now) so watch this space and I will let you know how I go (oh, so sorry, pardon the pun).

TTFN